A clean thought..

I'm totally a Charlie's Soap addict. I have removed all cleaner except, oxy, goo gone, bleach and dishwasher detergent. ( I would use charlies laundry powder in the washer if it was more cost effective). Ok Cleaning.. BLAH BLah..

Through this addiction I have come to meet some wonderful people such as Donna Freeakin' Reed. A doubiously pissed off house wife like myself, for it it were not for her Kitchen I would have never gotten the idea to start making willy warmers or this dirty thought blog of mine. I love the bitches in the kitchen, they are my ray of fucking sunshine!

Ok.. no more clean thoughts.. here's some zombies...

***Sex Facts And Information*** The nitty gritty about men and women..

*Some stuff on men* 1. 94% of men lie about their penis size.   According to condom manufacturers, only 6% of men use extra large condoms. 2. The average man is 5-7 inches long when erect,  and 3-5 non-erect. (no matter what you have heard ladies, that's the truth). 3. 80% of American men are circumcised. Even though Pediatrics say it is not necessary. 4. No matter what all the ads say, nothing can make your penis grow but time (most men reach the end of their growth by the early 20's) 5. There is no correlation between penis size, shoe size, hand size, or nose size. 6. Blue balls does exist! It's technically called "prostatic congestion." (Girls can get pains if g-spot is stimulated and they don't release!) 7. Only 16% of men shave their privates. *Some stuff on the ladies* 1. Only 9% of women around the globe consider themselves "attractive" (20% of British women do). 43% of women use the term "natural", 24% say they have "average" looks, 8% prefer the term "feminine", 7% say they are "good looking", and 7% say they are "cute", and finally only 2% of women say they are "sexy". 2. An estimated 85% of women wear the wrong size bra. 3. 60% of women have had breast implants. 4. 75% of women don't like oral sex 5. 95% of women shave their privates. *Some stuff on both* 1. Masturbation is healthy for both men and women. 2. 70% of high schoolers have had sex before they have graduated. 27% loose their virginity senior prom night. Only 3% wait until marriage. 3. 95% of men would have sex with a girl after 1 month of dating. Only 10% of women feel this way. *5 Reasons Why Sex is Good* 1. It is a good workout. Sex burns about 150 calories every half an hour of it. It will lower your cholesterol and improve breathing circulation. 2. You won't get sick. According to research if you have sex 1-2 times a week you are less likely to get sick. 3. You'll feel happier. You will feel a greater sense of well-being. Women who have more sex were clinically proven to be less depressed than women who don't have sex. 4. Makes you look better -  ( problem is, ugly people don't get any .) Sex releases hormones in your which make  your skin and hair softer and shinier and tone your physique. 5. (The best reason) You will live longer. Studies prove that sex makes you live longer. Men who had sex 1-2 times a week had half the death rate as those who did not indulge themselves at least once a month. It also makes you look younger. If you have sex 3 times a week you may look up to 10 years younger than you really are. * Did You Know?* Having sex 3 times a week for 1 year adds upto running 75 miles!!!!

*Sex Statistics*

There are more 20-year-old virgins now than there were in the late '50s.

You wouldn't know it from watching Sex and the City, but most women
have had fewer than five sex partners. Most men chalk up fewer than 10
sexual conquests in their whole lives.

Both women and men are most likely to have their first orgasm alone.

The USA has more laws governing sexual behavior than every country in Europe combined.

A condom will lasts about a month in a wallet before the rubber gets worn down by friction, making it more likely to break.

The record for male orgasms is 16 in one hour.

According to a 1996 study, homophobia men show a higher arousal rate
when shown gay porn than do men with ambivalent attitudes toward
homosexuals.

Jews and Atheists have more sex partners than Catholics or Protestants.

A woman sexually peaks in her early 30s, a man in his late teens.

Circumcision for Christian males became widespread after doctors
claimed it helped curb self-abuse. (Since this isn't the case, Why is
it still happening?)

Thirty percent of men suffer from premature ejaculation.

The average male member in all its glory is five inches long and four inches in circumference.

Seventies porn star Annie Sprinkle claims to have had sex with more than 3,000 men.

The average amount of male ejaculate is about one tablespoon, or 10cc,
which is how the bands 10cc and Lovin' Spoonful got their names.

White women get 97% of boob jobs.

Texas law makes it illegal for a woman to own more than six sex toys.

August and September are the months with the highest level of sexual activity.

Brainy chicks are kinkier.

College grads have more oral sex than high school dropouts, and those with PhD's are twice as likely to want a one-night stand than those with bachelor's degrees.

Oral sex is illegal in Arizona, Florida, Minnesota, Louisiana, part of
Michigan, North and South Carolina, Utah and Virginia. In Idaho, it can
get you life in prison.

Premarital sex was illegal in Connecticut until the late 1960s.

A 15-year old girl in Mississippi can marry without parental consent, but must wait a year to legally have sex with her husband.

One in three men cheats on his partner, as opposed to one in four women. Only 28% of female cheaters get caught.

Fifteen percent of priests and nuns break their vows of chastity.

The vast majority of men come within six minutes of penetration.

The age of consent in the USA is primarily between 16 and 18.

However, in liberal Hawaii, 14-year-olds are allowed to have sex as adults.

For centuries, the Catholic church declared "man on top" the only
acceptable position for sex. It's called the missionary position
because missionaries were to teach it as part of their efforts to
"civilize" non-Christian races.

Receiving oral sex is No. 1 on American males' sexual top 10, with straight intercourse, threesomes and groping in the top five.

The biggest wang on record is 12 inches erect.

J. Edgar Hoover, Oscar Wilde, Chief Crazy Horse, Pope Paul II and Pope
Julius III, Leonard Bernstein, Alexander the Great, Sigmund Freud,
Lawrence of Arabia, Plato, Peter Tchaikovsky and Florence Nightingale
were all gay or bi.

Until 1972 in the USA, homosexuality was officially a mental illness,
classified as such along with schizophrenia and multiple personalities.

The average age for both genders for a first sexual experience is 17.

*Girls.. Stop Faking Orgasms!*

Girls have you ever wondered why you always complain that you are not
sexually satisfied? I am sure the majority of girls feel this way
but this is a problem that we have created all on our own!

We have done this by faking orgasms.. this is POSITIVELY REINFORCING
NEGATIVE BEHAVIOUR.  Stop faking your orgasms and tell your
partner that things need to improve. This can only be done through
communication.

Girls if you want the best orgasm of your life?? Read this book, and
make your partner read it, if they don't want to read it, read
it to them when you read it!!! You'll never go back to the conventional
orgasm after experiencing this!
Secrets of Sensual Lovemaking
STOP POSITIVELY REINFORCING NEGATIVE BEHAVIOUR!!!!

*Ben-wa Balls*

For those that are not sure what ben-wa balls are they are little
weighted balls usually gold or silver that are inserted into the vagina
for what I always thought were used to help work the pubococcygeal
(Kegel) muscles so that you don't piss yourself when older, and they
can be.

I've recently discovered that they can also be used to achieve orgasms and intensify them.

They will NOT get lost inside thought they can disappear for a half-hour or so, but easiest way to get them out from hiding is to squat.

I seriously suggest them for both uses. Intensified orgasms? Who
wouldn't want that? and we all know that our bladders become weak as we
get older because we don't do our kegel exercises often enough, so why
not prevent embarrassment before it happens? 

Go get yourself some.. they sell for anywhere between $20 and $45 depending on the company. It's one of the easiest and most enjoyable workouts you'll ever have!

A dirty mind..

It's a game.. you're given a clue and you need to think of an answer, just try not to think dirty thoughts!!

Here are a few..

What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

A. Coconut!

What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?

A. Bubblegum!

You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

A. Tent!

A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.

A. Wedding ring!

I come in many sizes. Sometimes, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

A. Nose!

What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if you dont get it, you have to use your hand?

A. Fork!

What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?

A. Heart!

So did you actually get any of them right or was your brain stuck in the gutter like mine?

I double dog dare you...

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10 Crazy Sex Laws..

It almost makes you wonder who the fool was that did some of these for them to make these laws. Like seriously.. Who fucks a porcupine!?!?!?

18 Disturbing Sex Toys by cracked.com

http://www.cracked.com/article_17372_18-more-worlds-most-disturbing-sex-toys.html

Late night randomness..

So my computer crashed today. I was able to save all my files to my external hard drive but I cannot access them without a desk top so now I have to find new material for my blog since my old stuff is kind of under lock and key.

To get some ideas I like to type in random words into google image searches to see all the wacky shit there is online. I started looking for strap ons attached to midgets but had no luck finding any.. I would have thought there had to be at least one.. So then I searched for sexy strap on.. not sure how this is sexy, but I have to wonder if it's for the man who gets bored easily? lol

What pornos want us to believe..

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Plunging

I found this image in a google image search for woman's brain.. wtf!?!?!

The Tantra Chair

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LADIES & GENTLEMEN ..

Ladies & Gentlemen this blog will be sure to have you fantasizing!! It gave me goose bumps it was that good.

http://myredbike.tumblr.com/

You're doing it all wrong..

Do it right and it won't take as long!

A dirty thought... What's that vibrating?

There is a strange vibrating sound coming from the neighbours and I thought maybe it was one of those super powerful vibrating chairs girls sit on to get off on so I went on a search to find it and came across these crazy sex machines, squirting and extreme orgasms. HOLY SHIT!!!

In your eye!

Sexcapades..

You've been a bad rabbit!

I sCream for Ice Cream!!

The peter meter..

How do you measure up?

*Orgasm simulator for men & woman*

Want to know the difference between a man and woman orgasm?

Click here ---> Orgasm Simulator

This is your brain on sex...

This is what my brain looks like.. does yours?

*Top 10 reasons why we should all have sex every day!*

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women
make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.

2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering
dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.

3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.

4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than
swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!

5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.

6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!

7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.

8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.

9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.

10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

A dirty thought is no longer on Permanent Vacation! I started this blog years ago to post information about sex and sexuality. I loved Sue Johanson from the Sunday night sex show on the womens network because she could openly talk about sex, sexuality and all things to go with it including lots of laughs!!

This is not a place for guys who want to jerk their shit. It’s a place to discuss sex and sexuality openly with a lot of humour. Unfortunately for the guy looking to get some action to get his rocks off is in the wrong place.

<3 Dirty D